Dropping the L Bomb
Something just clicked today. I don't really know how to explain it, though. It was totally a God thing, of course. During this past week, I've really been in a funk about a lot of things. I was seriously Debbie Downer for a really long time. But tonight, something changed in me. It's like my attitude just took a 180 spin.
The realization that I've just been a jerk to a lot of people hit me really hard. For some reason, I just started not caring about a lot of people and their lives. In fact, I would just get completely annoyed with them almost instantly. That's totally not me at all. I don't want to be like that and I know that God doesn't either. The love that I once had for people was completely lost and I couldn't find it. As hard as I prayed about it, it didn't seem as if God was enabling me to love others the way that I had once been able to or the way that He's called me to.
But I figured out why it was starting to be so hard for me to care about people. I was getting really caught up in 1) myself and 2) what I wanted in people/friendships. Let me explain those two things.
Number one. If you know anything about what's going on with me then you'll understand how that situation has been on my mind a lot lately. But I let it get out of control. As much as I wanted to focus on the present and where God has placed me now, I started looking into the future and forgetting where I am now. I became incredibly selfish. I'm still going to invest time into these relationships here as if the thought of me leaving has never even crossed my mind.
Number two. It's been really hard for me to adjust to the people here at school. Not at all saying that I don't like them (because I do like them). It's just that I formed a lot of really strong bonds with my friends from home this past summer so it's been hard to let go of that and transition back to my friends here at school. It's also been really tough not to compare the two sets of friends. I'm starting to understand and adjust to the differences between the two groups.
I guess I've also been really down about things with my majors, too. I just had a really pessimistic view on the future and what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Everything that I thought God had ever told me about what He wanted me to do seemed so far out of reach and distant. It almost seemed like an impossibility to me. So then I started doubting all of it. Not good. But for some reason, it just made sense again tonight. There was nothing at all that prompted it but I, all of a sudden, had a really optimistic attitude towards everything. I'm excited again. Excited for uncertainty, trials, learning, trusting...
All right, it's time for me to hit the hay. I really like being able to stay up late and not having to worry about setting my alarm in the morning. My schedule is friggin' awesome :)
PS - I don't particularly enjoy the new Facebook format. It's pretty rotten, if you ask me.
The realization that I've just been a jerk to a lot of people hit me really hard. For some reason, I just started not caring about a lot of people and their lives. In fact, I would just get completely annoyed with them almost instantly. That's totally not me at all. I don't want to be like that and I know that God doesn't either. The love that I once had for people was completely lost and I couldn't find it. As hard as I prayed about it, it didn't seem as if God was enabling me to love others the way that I had once been able to or the way that He's called me to.
But I figured out why it was starting to be so hard for me to care about people. I was getting really caught up in 1) myself and 2) what I wanted in people/friendships. Let me explain those two things.
Number one. If you know anything about what's going on with me then you'll understand how that situation has been on my mind a lot lately. But I let it get out of control. As much as I wanted to focus on the present and where God has placed me now, I started looking into the future and forgetting where I am now. I became incredibly selfish. I'm still going to invest time into these relationships here as if the thought of me leaving has never even crossed my mind.
Number two. It's been really hard for me to adjust to the people here at school. Not at all saying that I don't like them (because I do like them). It's just that I formed a lot of really strong bonds with my friends from home this past summer so it's been hard to let go of that and transition back to my friends here at school. It's also been really tough not to compare the two sets of friends. I'm starting to understand and adjust to the differences between the two groups.
I guess I've also been really down about things with my majors, too. I just had a really pessimistic view on the future and what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Everything that I thought God had ever told me about what He wanted me to do seemed so far out of reach and distant. It almost seemed like an impossibility to me. So then I started doubting all of it. Not good. But for some reason, it just made sense again tonight. There was nothing at all that prompted it but I, all of a sudden, had a really optimistic attitude towards everything. I'm excited again. Excited for uncertainty, trials, learning, trusting...
All right, it's time for me to hit the hay. I really like being able to stay up late and not having to worry about setting my alarm in the morning. My schedule is friggin' awesome :)
PS - I don't particularly enjoy the new Facebook format. It's pretty rotten, if you ask me.
posted by Kim at
2:38 AM
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