Inadequate

Something inside of me hurts.

Listen to "Have You Ever?" by Shawn McDonald. That pretty much sums it up.

Tis the Season

As I was laying in bed tonight (trying to fall asleep and obviously not succeeding, hence the late night post), I was thinking about a myriad of things. School, relationships, God, work, money, Christmas, family, etc. My thoughts were pretty much bouncing around the place. Here are a few of those thoughts.

Throughout my life, God has provided. In any area of my life that has lacked, He has always been faithful. Here are some more recent examples. When I slacked off first semester of my freshman year, God gave me the strength to focus and make up for it second semester. When I hated my job at BBB, God provided me with a job that I love at Starbucks. When money was tight, God provided another job at Cat that payed exceptionally well. When things were rough with my parents, God provded me with peace and love. No matter what the situation was, God was always faithful to me when I was faithful to Him.

Thanksgiving break is almost over. It's about the time where we all go back and have to hit the books hard for the final stretch of the semester. I am, by no means, looking forward to this. With continual prayer, I now know that I am going to stay at Bradley to finish up my bachelor's degree. But with that being said, I still have no motivation to finish out strong. In all honesty, I really wish that I did. I have the desire to do well and be studious but I can't find the motivation within myself. Does this even make sense? Bah, I don't know.

The Christmas season is finally here. All that we're missing is snow. If you stop by my house, you'll see that our tree, decorations, and lights are up. Even our house smells like Christmas. I worked at Starbucks the day after Thanksgiving and it was craziness all around. But at the same time, it was amazing to see all the people out shopping for gifts (don't get me wrong, Christmas is not at all about the gifts) and listening to the Christmas music pumping out of our speakers. I am most looking forward to going home and being able to spend hours in the kitchen baking cookies while blasting the Christmas music. Seriously. Call me a dork but this is most definitely my favorite time of the year. Pretty soon we'll have fires in the fireplace going, snow on the ground, and FOLEPI. That's all this girl needs. The best part about this all is that this entire season is dedicated to celebrating Jesus's birth. How awesome is that?!

Well, I think I should try and get some sleep. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow and I should try to look at least a little bit rested.

God bless.

History Repeats Itself

Have you ever wanted to change but don't know how to? And it seems as if you've tried everything and you're still in a rut? It's especially bad when you've been at this point before. It's like, "How did I get over this when it happened in the past?" And yet, no answers come to mind.

Then you realize that the change wasn't the result from anything that you did. God changed you.

This and That

All right. Well, it's been a while since the last update and I have a little time on my hands tonight. I figured I'd post for all three (if that) of my faithful readers.

Life has been pretty hectic lately but I'm learning to like it that way. Working two jobs plus school and other activities doesn't give me much spare time. I try to be social when I can be but honestly, sleep is becoming more important. I absolutely love the people that I work with at Starbucks and I'm sure that I'm going to like the people that I work with at CAT. All of them that I've met so far have been extremely nice. As busy as I have been lately (and as much as I like it), I know that God's been telling me to slow down. This past week, I've been really sick (like the throwing up kind of sick) so I was forced to just lay around. It was a good reminder.

It seems as if I have been filling my schedule with so much as an excuse to get away from certain things/people/situations. Like it's all going to disappear or something. Do you ever do that or is it just me? The feelings that I had earlier this year have been pervading my thoughts recently. I don't want to get to that point again. It's self-destructive. Not only that but my mood and perspective on a lot of things change and affect not only myself but everyone around me. I hate that (not that I wish that I could feel that way and have it not affect others but that I know that I hurt people when I'm like that).

I've been so distant from God lately. Not just lately but for a while. But I can hear Him calling me back. It's time to surrender again. Have you ever noticed how it's easy to get so down on yourself when you feel as if you've fallen short? Well, I feel that way a lot of times. But I don't think God wants us to beat ourselves up about it. I mean, He's so forgiving and so patient and is probably just ecstatic that His child is back. It's like the story of the prodigal son. You don't see the father getting all down on his son for leaving and spending all his money. Instead, he throws the party of the century for him. I mean, he even slaughtered his best fattened calf for him. C'mon, you have know that's serious then. So I think that's how God is when we run back to Him. He's not angry or upset; instead, He wants to throw us a party (thereotically).

Okay, that's enough about that. It's about my bedtime. Ciao, muchachos.

Jaded

Sometimes people say things and they don't realize the impact that they have. It's ridiculous.

I know that things have been rocky with us and that not everything was clearly resolved but honestly. I've been making an effort for it to work. So don't come in and say that to me (especially in front of other people) when you haven't tried one bit. At least have the courtesy to take me aside and talk to me about it. Be mature. You have absolutely no right to say that to me anyway. Who do you think you are? How do you think you can come off that way?

Rant over.

Forgiveness. Harder said than done. That's for sure.

Especially to those people who you care about but don't care about you back.

Life in November

Welp, it's been a while since I've updated this thing...

I just got back from the CEO Conference in Chicago. It was really good. Other than being a huge nerd and listening to business people/entrepreneurs talk, we met some really cool people from all over. It only strengthened my passion for wanting to stay in business and eventually wanting to start a business of my own.

I officially dropped my accounting major and replaced it with marketing. Plus, I dropped ATG301. Wow, it feels good. Registration for next semester's classes is tomorrow (at least for me) and I can't wait to get started in marketing.

All of the job stuff worked out. I start CAT in about a week and am about halfway through training at Starbucks. Both should be really good experiences for me since this is what I want to do for the rest of my life (start and own a coffee shop). Needless to say, the money situation is solved. The people that I work with at Starbucks are SO great. I couldn't have asked for a better group.

Hopefully by my birthday, I will have enough saved to buy myself a MacBook. My first really big purchase of my life (I think).

Well, I need to go get some food and get ready for work. Hopefully I'll be able to update this a little more often before my life gets crazier than heck. Peace out, homedogs.

Oh and by the way, it's November. Do you know what that means? Thanksgiving is almost here. And do you know what comes right after Thanksgiving? THE START OF THE HOLIDAYS. Yes, it is my favorite time of the year. More so this year because it's going to be filled with a Chicago roadtrip/concert with the Martino, bonding with Cathy Weiss, outdoor ice skating in St. Louis with my bestest of friends, and celebrating Jesus's birth (with the eating of many holiday foods)!