Life Right Now

I think I'm staying. As much as I wish that God was telling me to transfer and to go to a big school in a big city, I don't think He's telling me to. He's giving me opportunities to develop here and I believe He's calling me to stay, to finish the work that I've begun here in Peoria. I'm not too happy with what I think He's saying but I'm not going to be selfish. I only want to do what I think He's telling me. God will grow me, use me. I'm not too worried about it.

School's...going. It's actually pretty rough and I've been studying my behind off. I can't wait for this semester to be over. Next semester I might start taking Spanish. That should be interesting. But I figured that it couldn't hurt, being a business double major and all. I'm actually getting more involved in organizations and stuff, too. So it's been pretty busy with all my business clubs, homework, intramurals, etc. I get to go to Chicago for a CEO conference in November (all expenses paid). I'm pretty excited.

I went to the job fair last Thursday and got to talk to a lot of companies about internships. Morton Metalcraft called today and set up an interview and I'm going to CAT's informational session later this week. I'm also supposed to hear back from a few other companies around the Peoria area. Hopefully I can get something set up for next semester. Hopefully.

I think I may be going to Vienna during May-term.

A bunch of us are going to Kentucky over fall break. Camping should be interesting...

Marty and I are going to see The Format, All-American Rejects, and Gym Class Heroes in Chicago in December. I'm pretty psyched about this. No seriously. You have no idea how excited I am.

Putzi's broken. She was working fine earlier yesterday morning and then she wouldn't start last night. I finally figured out that I had to press the gas pedal down when I turned the key in order for her to start. Alex Trebeck is taking her home to fix her. So I'm going to be out of a car for a couple of days. Meh.

Ryan Jones is leaving us next semester :( I'm going to miss that boy.

Last but not least, I'm sick. It all started on Friday night and it's progressively gotten worse throughout the weekend. Marty and I made a Walmart run last night at around midnight to get me some cold medicine and cough drops. And that cold medicine KNOCKED ME OUT last night. Haha. I slept great. But when I woke up, I felt like dying (kind of like how I feel right now). Oh well.

Welp, that sums up my life at this point in time. Sorry for the lack of updates but I've been pretty busy. Hopefully I'll get to updating more often.

Long Week

Wow, it's been a while. It's been a crazy week but it's finally over. Thank goodness. I don't think that I can handle anymore weeks like this past one.

Amidst the craziness, it was easy for me to forget a simple thing like reading my Bible. Bad idea, folks. Satan's attacks are so furious when I forget to do the simple things. I've felt annoyed, stressed, tired. My guard has definitely been down.

I'm going to change this. Or to put it better, I'm going to change this with Christ's strength. This isn't how I want to be. This isn't how I was called to be. Jesus didn't die for this.

There is still a lot to figure out. But it's amazing knowing that God has it in His hands. That I don't have to worry about it. That His glory will be revealed in the outcome.

Never Disappointed

OK Go has incredible music videos. I think this is my favorite one.

It's that time of year again!

Tonight, a bunch of us Bradley folk are hitting up the Pumpkin Festival. I don't think that they understand how incredible this is. But at least I've gotten them all hyped up for it. I am so incredibly excited.

Oh my, this is one of two of my favorite times of the year...Christmas being the other one.

Closure

I'm such a closure person. I hate leaving things open ended. I get antsy just thinking about it. So I'm really glad we got to talk last night. It cleared up so much for me and I was just able to be honest. I feel a lot better about everything that's happened.

One down, one to go.

We're all just clay vases...

Last night I got to thinking about what being broken actually means. We always say that we want to be broken before God but I don't think I ever really stopped to think about what that actually meant.

The first thing that I thought about when I got to thinking about all of this was a clay vase. I don't really know why; it's just the first thing that popped into my head. A vase can still be in tact and together with just a little crack in it. It's when the vase breaks that we truly see how weak it really is. All of the cracks are exposed. I think that we try to use our own ability to stay grounded and together. We don't let people see our weaknesses (the cracks, if you will) and it's hard for us to be vulnerable. We only share with others one certain struggle or the "lesser" of our weaknesses. And we only expose ourselves to close, close friends. Surely we wouldn't want other Christians knowing that we struggle with things. But then something happens and it all hits the fan. It seems to me (at least in my own experience) that when these big situations, fights, etc. happen and we basically fall apart, all of our weaknesses and struggles (spiritually) are exposed. Satan takes full advantage of us letting our guard down and we give in to what we have been working so hard to try and hide. But thank goodness that God is our glue. Haha ok. But seriously. God sees us broken into so many little pieces and somehow He forgives us and fixes us. He glues the vase back together. Even with glue, the cracks are still exposed but God holds us together despite it all.

All right. Well I didn't really know why the clay vase immediately popped into my head when I thought about brokenness. But as I was typing this, I remembered the scripture saying that we are the clay and He is the potter. God formed us to be weak, to always be in constant reliance in Him. To need His glue, so to speak. That's pretty sweet.

This was a poor analogy of what I was trying to convey. I hope somehow it worked for you, though.

Not To Us

The cross before me, the world behind

No turning back, raise the banner high

It's not for me, it's all for You

Let the heavens shake and split the sky

Let the people clap their hands and cry

It's not for us, it's all for You

Not to us but to Your name be the glory

Not to us but to Your name be the glory

Our hearts unfold before the throne

The only place for those who know

It's not for us, it's all for You

Send Your holy fire on this offering

Let our worship burn for the world to see

It's not for us, it's all for You

Not to us but to Your name be the glory

Not to us but to Your name be the glory

The earth is shaking, the mountains shouting

It's all for You

The waves are crashing, the sun is raging

It's all for You

The universe, spinning and singing

It's all for You

Your children dancing, dancing, dancing

It's all for You, it's all for You

My all for You, my all for You

So fundamental and simple yet we forget everyday.

Another Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CRAIG!

She's so Great

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM :)

I LOVE YOU.

Dropping the L Bomb

Something just clicked today. I don't really know how to explain it, though. It was totally a God thing, of course. During this past week, I've really been in a funk about a lot of things. I was seriously Debbie Downer for a really long time. But tonight, something changed in me. It's like my attitude just took a 180 spin.

The realization that I've just been a jerk to a lot of people hit me really hard. For some reason, I just started not caring about a lot of people and their lives. In fact, I would just get completely annoyed with them almost instantly. That's totally not me at all. I don't want to be like that and I know that God doesn't either. The love that I once had for people was completely lost and I couldn't find it. As hard as I prayed about it, it didn't seem as if God was enabling me to love others the way that I had once been able to or the way that He's called me to.

But I figured out why it was starting to be so hard for me to care about people. I was getting really caught up in 1) myself and 2) what I wanted in people/friendships. Let me explain those two things.

Number one. If you know anything about what's going on with me then you'll understand how that situation has been on my mind a lot lately. But I let it get out of control. As much as I wanted to focus on the present and where God has placed me now, I started looking into the future and forgetting where I am now. I became incredibly selfish. I'm still going to invest time into these relationships here as if the thought of me leaving has never even crossed my mind.

Number two. It's been really hard for me to adjust to the people here at school. Not at all saying that I don't like them (because I do like them). It's just that I formed a lot of really strong bonds with my friends from home this past summer so it's been hard to let go of that and transition back to my friends here at school. It's also been really tough not to compare the two sets of friends. I'm starting to understand and adjust to the differences between the two groups.

I guess I've also been really down about things with my majors, too. I just had a really pessimistic view on the future and what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Everything that I thought God had ever told me about what He wanted me to do seemed so far out of reach and distant. It almost seemed like an impossibility to me. So then I started doubting all of it. Not good. But for some reason, it just made sense again tonight. There was nothing at all that prompted it but I, all of a sudden, had a really optimistic attitude towards everything. I'm excited again. Excited for uncertainty, trials, learning, trusting...

All right, it's time for me to hit the hay. I really like being able to stay up late and not having to worry about setting my alarm in the morning. My schedule is friggin' awesome :)

PS - I don't particularly enjoy the new Facebook format. It's pretty rotten, if you ask me.

Trust God

Please be praying for me. I have some big decisions coming up.