Fire Ze Missiles!

All right. I just had a really great talk with Marty for like an hour and a half about our passions. It actually really cleared up a lot for me and with what I've been struggling with as of late. I'll write about it later because I'm le tired. [I really hope you know what that's from. If you don't, we probably can't be friends.]

Looking Up

Today's looking brighter.

Life

I'm in that funk again.

Nothing seems to make sense:

My major. This school. Future plans. People.

I don't know anymore.

I only want what He wants.

But sometimes I wish I knew what that was.

Patience is definitely not my forte.

The one person I want to care about me...

...well, he doesn't.

At least, not in that way.

I'm the girl with all the guy friends but no boyfriend.

Not that I even want one now.

I have other things to focus on.

It's just frustrating.

I miss everyone from home terribly.

I wish it was summer again.

Actually, I wish I was 5 years old again.

Then I would have zero worries in my life.

I don't think God designed life to be complicated.

We just make it that way.

Because we're all faithless idiots.

I think life should be filled with:

LOVE (first and foremost) for God, yourself, & others.

HOPE in the past, present, & future.

FAITH in God, people, & situations.

DREAMS about anything under the sun.

LAUGHTER so hard that you [almost] pee your pants.

GRACE for anyone and everyone.

Silhouette

This emptiness consumes all that I am

From the inside out, my soul is stripped clean

I lay it all down to follow the Lamb

Putting my trust and faith in the unseen

My arms are open wide

My heart is crying out

All I can do is surrender

Everything that You've given me

This silhouette that's staring back at me

Can't figure out what He wants for my life

All that I know for sure is what I see

And that's the more I dig, the less I find

My arms are open wide

My heart is crying out

All I can do is surrender

Everything that You've given me

So come fill me with Your never ending love

Hold me close when I run away from You

Shower me with Your sweet grace from above

Give me passion, make my spirit new

My arms are open wide

My heart is crying out

All I can do is surrender

Everything that You've given me

I'm Over It

Today has been pretty sweet thus far. It started out with some midnight ping-pong w/ Megan, Patrick, and Marty. Needless to say, us girls whipped the boys. Then I got a decent amount of sleep only to be followed by a fantab brunch at the house. Eggs, pancakes, turkey... Yum. I'm hoping it becomes a Thursday tradition. Then I went to see my mother at the health center and she gave me a peach! I showered and got ready to go to my 3pm class (first class of the day) and it ended up that the department head came to hand out the syllabus b/c our teacher was gone. So we definitely got out after 3 minutes. And now Aaron is taking me to Walmart to kill some time before my 6pm class. Huzzah.

Frustrated

All right. So I usually don't post about people or whatever and my problems with them and I hate how some people blog using subliminal messages (I think that's just stupid). But I'm really just frustrated right now but I'm not going to name names.

Have you ever met someone who complains about a certain characteristic in other people but the more you get to know them, the more you realize that they themselves struggle hardcore with what they're complaining about in others? Yah, I'm dealing with that right now with a "friend." It's so hard when I don't feel close enough to call them out on in it but it's so blatantly obvious to me and others. I know that I'm supposed to love on them and continue to show Christ to them (and I know that this person is a very rooted Christian so it's not like I'm trying to witness to them or anything) but it's so so so hard for me right now. With a lot of other stuff going on between me and that person, I really don't feel as if I can just be like, "Hey! Take a pill, dude! You are being incredibly hypocritical!"

All right, I know that wasn't very loving and that I shouldn't really rant about other people on here but I just needed to get it out of my system. I'm going to meet Andy for lunch now.

Back @ BU

Time for a real update, I suppose. Everything is moved in a settled now here at Bradley. I'm really digging our room (even though the guys completely switched everything last night) and it's been so great seeing everyone thus far. Not to say that I don't have my fair share of missing the summer and all my friends from home. Because I do. But I know that I can't really change where I'm at and I'm cool with that.

These first few days have been good. For some reason, they just seemed a lot more fun last year. I'm not sure why. I think it was the exhileration of being a freshman and being alone for the first time and all that jazz. This year, it's just like, "Oh, we're back. Let's hang out, I guess." Classes start tomorrow and I'm a little nervous about it. I'm kind of taking a ridiculous load. So be praying for that.

During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. -Hebrews 5:7

So I read that and thought about my prayer life. Let's just say, it's not even one bit close to that. I don't nearly have the same kind of passion nor persistence that Jesus had. And then I got to thinking about why we should "offer up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears." And then the more I thought about it, the more I changed my question to 'why not?'. Think about it. Makes sense.

His Love

Have you ever wanted to be someone else
Have you ever wanted to be someone
Have you ever wanted to reach your dreams
Have you ever wanted life to be more than it seems

I have tasted of a love so wide
That it stops all my time
I have tasted of a love so deep
That it blows my mind

Have you ever wanted to reach up and touch the sky
Have you ever wanted to pack it up and say good-bye
Have you ever wanted someone to care
Have you ever wanted someone to be there

I have tasted of a love so wide
That it stops all my time
I have tasted of a love so deep
That it blows my mind
He is sweet, He is sweet
What your'e looking for
Is my sweet, sweet Jesus
What you're looking for
Is my sweet Lord

[Shawn McDonald.Have You Ever?]

Today's the Day

It's the big morning of move in. Finally. I'm pretty excited (as I excited as I can be at 7.20am). Welp, catch ya later. My next post will be from Harper 305!

Back to Bradley

Welp, tomorrow's the big day. I've decided to take a little break from my last minute packing to blog about how I'm feeling at this point. As excited as I am to be back and see everyone again (I got a little taste of that last night when I saw Nikki and Julie), I am already missing those who have left. And I didn't think that I would be sad to leave home. I mean, I moved back home second semester last year and I was at home all this summer as well. But as I'm packing up everything, I still have that sense of sadness and loneliness that I'm leaving again (granted, it is only 20 minutes away...15 without construction). I know some people say that they feel as if Bradley is their new home but 526 Northern Oaks Dr. will always be what I call home.

As I've been packing, I've conjured up some goals that I want to accomplish next semester. I know that all of you are just dying for me to write them but I'm not going to. There are just a few things that I want to really work on this next year while I'm still in the dorms and around my Bradley friends as well as away from my Morton friends. I know that God has placed me right where He wants me and that He's going to use me in whatever ways He wants.

As I was talking to Arin last night about certain situations in my life, I realized that next year is going to be a challenge for me (emotionally, spiritually, mentally). There are so many things that I'm unsure of as I head into next school year. I want them all to turn out okay. But I know that God doesn't necessarily work that way. Hopefully I can just be mature about everything and make the best decisions possible.

All right, I think it's time for me to get back to packing. Walmart errand trip #2 is coming up here in a bit. I wonder how many times I'll be going there in the next two days...

Comments

All right. I've been getting a little frustrated with the lack of comments that I've been getting on this thing. I know that multiple people read it on a daily basis but I only receive one comment every 9274592 posts. But it has been brought to my attention (by my favorite Native American, Arin Davis) that some of you don't think you can post a comment because you yourselves are not bloggers. How wrong you are, my friend. I have left it open for anonymous comments. Although I do ask that if you do comment anonymously, please sign your name. Thank you, Arin, for bringing this to my attention and also for being the loveliest Native American that I know.

Focus

Another day, another dollar...

I guess I'll start with the blog I promised about church. Riverside had a guest speaker, Ray Berryhill, talk about not losing our confidence in Christ because He will reward us if we are faithful to Him. It was such a good reminder. He talked about how Christ challenges/tests us and Satan tries to intercept us but we must keep our focus on Christ and have faith that He will get us through any situation. Also, faith is gained by experience. If we never experience any hardship in our lives, we will never know what true faith is. We also must know who our Father is and who we are in Him. It's so important to figure out our identity in Christ and what good works He has prepared for us to do (being the blessing instead of needing the blessing). This was all stuff that I'm really glad I heard again, especially right before school starts. I know that next year is going to be challenging but as long as I know where my strength comes from (and how it is made perfect in my weakness), He will bring me through any situation or circumstance.

Well, I would write more but I'm tired from working all day and I need to be back at work in less than 12 hours. So it's bedtime for me.

Just an update, my friend Bryan isn't leaving until Thursday. Keep him in your prayers as he prepares for Iraq. Thank you.

Beginnings and Endings

The summer's almost over. People are starting to move back to their colleges and I'm starting to miss them. Blake leaves tonight, B3 leaves for Ireland tomorrow, and a bunch of people (Aimee, Craig, Stephen, Jeff, Meg) leave on Wednesday.

All in all, this summer was pretty spectacular. I know that God threw a bunch of curveballs my way to grow me and see how I would respond. Coming into the summer, I thought I had everything planned out. But how wrong I was. People came into my life, people left my life, an unexpected surgery, baby Geyer, ICC, BBB, surprise road trips, weddings, continual spontaneity. I got to hang out with the most fabulous friends ever and grow deeper relationships with them. God taught me so much about myself, others, and Himself. Honestly, this might've been the best summer I've ever had.

With that being said, all of those people that read this faithfully (and apparently there's a lot of you), I hope that you have an amazing schoolyear. Keep in touch, even if you're staying at home and just going to ICC.

Rip-Off

Before we get started, here's a little shout-out to Joe Ackerman. I hear he " loves reading about other people's personal lives."

What's the deal with high schools forcing you to pay for a cap and gown? You only wear it twice (baccalaureate and graduation) and most people rip it off asap. I think that either the school should provide cap and gowns for their students or the students should have to pay very, very minimal prices for them.

With that said, I'm wearing my cap right now. I found it in my closet as I was starting to pack up my stuff. Only about a week left of summer. I'm pretty excited to go back to school but I know that I'm going to miss my friends that are leaving. It's a little bittersweet. I'm basically done packing, except for my clothes and bathroom stuff and big stuff (fouton, chair, lamp, tables, computer, etc.). Looking back on last year, I took way too much unnecessary junk that I never used. So I've been trying to cut down this year. And it's worked. I've only packed 4 computer paper boxes so far (and none of them are full). I think that's all I'm taking, too. I'm pretty satisfied on my simplifying technique.

Church was really good this morning. I'll blog about it later because I need to go get some more stuff done before Bible study tonight. Ciao.

Cell Phones

I'm leaving here in just a bit to go get a new phone. I'm having some mixed feelings about it. You see, my mom and I have shared a phone for the past two years. It's never been a problem since I generally don't like having to carry a phone around (I know, it's weird) so I always let her have it. But now that our plan is up and I'm going back to Bradley, my parents think that it's a good idea for me to get my own. And I agree. Except that now I have to start paying for it. Mind you, it's quite a bit cheaper because we are on a family plan but I'm still not digging the idea of forking over the cash every month just so that I can talk to the few people that I call/call me. And this also means that I have to say a sweet goodbye to my ghetto Kyocera Phantom. I hope my next phone treats me as well as this one did (or at least has the same durability).

So Long, Sweet Summer

This is what summer is supposed to be like.

Friends.

Food.

Craziness.

Memories.

Pretty Campus = Not Bradley

This lovely campus is Miami University-Ohio in Oxford. It's full of trees and grass and brick buildings and parks and goodness. Uptown is pretty sweet, too. Basically, I would go there if I wasn't already going to Bradley and if I didn't have to pay out-of-state tuition/they threw money at me like Bradley did.

I went to MU-Ohio because that's where Ang is going to get her doctorate. My mom and I went over to visit Joe & Ang and help paint their new house. I formed the conclusion that Ohio is way better than Illinois.

I got to thinking a lot about my coffee shop. Or at least what I hope God is leading me toward in the future. Oxford is the kind of place where I might like to start my shop. Either there (feels like a small town but has a huge, secular campus; you kind of have to just go to Oxford to know what I'm talking about because it's not just the small town feel, it's a gorgeous area with a lot of open land) or in a completely urban area with a large, secular campus. We will see...

Oh and they've started clearing out the field on the way out to my house for the new subdivision. I'm ticked. Now it's not going to feel like I live out in the country anymore. How lame. I guess it doesn't matter a whole lot since I move into Harper 305 (holla!) in 8 days. Can't wait.

See You Later not Goodbye

That handsome young man is Bryan O'Neal. There's no easy way to write about this. I've known Bryan forever. Our families have always been close friends so I've pretty much grown up with him. He attended Pekin schools but he went to Grace so I still saw him quite a bit. He was involved in quizzing and that's where I really got to know him as we grew older. He's my age...just 19 years old. Last September, he went out to California for Marines training. He's only been back a few times since then. And tomorrow, he's going back to California before being deployed to Iraq next Monday (the 14th). I sit here trying to find some words to type that can completely convey how I feel. I'm scared, sad, nervous... I just got home from his going away party where he told me what he'd be doing. I am honestly scared out of my wits. Everything, all the fighting and wars, becomes so much more real when someone you know is being sent to Iraq. Please keep him and his family in your prayers. Hopefully by next March, he'll be back in Cali and by next April, he'll be home again. I'm so proud of him. As we were talking, he never complained about being deployed. He's scared, too, but he knew that it was his choice and he's proud to be serving our country. Amazing. Please, don't forget to pray for our troops.

The Future Freaks Me Out

I got to talking to Paul last night about accounting and all that jazz. He kind of made me re-think my decision to not get my masters or sit for the CPA. As much as I don't want to be stuck in school for five years (mostly for the financial aspect of it), he may be right in saying that being a CPA (which would require me to basically get my masters) would be a very useful thing for the future. Even if I'm not going to be an accountant for the rest of my life.

It's kind of hard to know what to do now because I added my second major (business management and administration with a concentration in entrepreneurship) because of my decision NOT to do everything that I'm now thinking I might do. You see, I'm very ahead (as in, I'm considered a junior in credit hours) so that really gave me a lot of hours that I needed to fill if I was still going to go four years. So I just added another major. It seemed like the logical thing to do. Especially since I don't want to be an accountant for the rest of my life and I really want to start my own business. But now that I'm thinking about getting my masters, I would need those hours back...which would require me to drop my BMA major. And I also wouldn't get to add a minor in marketing, which I really wanted to do this year.

I guess that's just where I'm at in terms of school right now. Any prayers would be helpful. I just want to do what I feel God is leading me to do. I guess I'm just going to have to keep praying about it and listening to Him.

Front Page

Remember when I said that I don't sit down to read the paper that often? Well, I did this morning (first time since the Ray Ray Brown incident) and guess what was on the front page? An article about Convention and quizzing! It was sweet. Some of my friends, like Theresa, Keef (featured in today's visual aid), and Jeffers, were either quoted or in a picture. That's some sweet exposure for FEC and quizzing.

Good Day

Welp, I don't think that today could've gotten any better. Here are some reasons why...

1. I got to sleep in. I had nothing to get up for this morning. No cleaning. No work. No obligations. It was amazing. I don't remember the last time that I got to sleep in just for fun. Funny thing is that every time that I get to sleep in, I always wake up super early, energized and ready to take on the day. I'm not complaining but I just think it's hilarious how that works.

2. Along with the sleeping in thing, I didn't have to work. This was the first of six days that I have off. Heck yes. As much as I'm warming up to BBB, I'm still pretty psyched that I don't have to go back there until next Thursday. Especially now that they are utilizing nighttime put-away and I won't be getting out of there until 11.30pm or so if I'm closing.

3. One word...PAYDAY.

4. I did laundry this morning. I love the smell of freshly laundered clothes. Plus, having clean clothes is a bonus.

5. When I was doing laundry, I thought that I would look for these pants that I somehow lost. Nick described them as the boat seat covering pants. I guess they feel like the material that is on his boat's seats or something. That was very tangential so I'll get back to the point. So I figured I'd look behind the washing machine because sometimes I throw my clothes in there and overshoot just a bit so my clothes end up going behind the washing machine without my knowing (it's happened a couple of times before). So I look behind the washing maching and to my surprise, I don't find my pants but instead my favorite track jacket (and possibly my favorite item of clothing that I've ever owned) that I had lost over a year ago. Huzzah! So I wore it all day (even though it was 90 degrees outside).

6. Convention. I got to see quizzing and a lot of people that I love (whom I don't get to see that often...maybe once or twice a year). Seriously, a lot of these people have made such a large impact on my life (through Miracle Camp). Maybe more of an impact than some people that I'm around all the time or that I've known all my life. Spending just two weeks with them over the summer while camp aiding has built some of the most incredibly strong, solid, trusting, encouraging, Godly friendships that I've ever had. I also got to hang out with some of my really good friends from home whom I haven't seen in a while. I really love being with them and just laughing and having a good time.

Basically, today was an all around amazing day :)

Make It Work

Decisions are weird. Sometimes I feel as if I have so much evidence and backing yet I have no peace with what I've decided. And on the other end of the spectrum, there can be zero logic yet I feel as if that's what God is calling me to do. Complete opposites. So I stand firm on my decision that decisions are weird. Haha. No. But seriously, I guess that's what faith is. Knowing that God will direct us and guide us in every step of this journey. And that's a pretty sweet deal, if I do say so myself.

Robert didn't get the boot this week. But he was close. I almost had a heart attack. "So what if I [watch Project Runway]? So judge me." (If you don't get it, don't worry about it.)

Closing Time

So I closed tonight at work. First time all summer. And now I remember why I hate closing. I mean, I didn't really enjoy the whole working at night thing at first because hardly anyone comes in and there isn't a whole lot to do. But then I started working during the day and it was non-stop craziness and it felt like I never got a break. So at first, tonight was actually really nice...just being able to straighten up and not have to constantly be helping someone or working on a project or answering the phone or running around trying to find stuff. But then I realized that people are messy slobs and have zero talent in putting things back the way that they found them and I was getting paid to fix that. But when you have hundreds of those kinds of people coming through, it's not pretty. So I spent close to four hours closing 5 rooms (and I didn't even finish a couple of them). Talk about frustrating (especially when people are still shopping at 9pm). But we finally got out of there at 10:45pm and I just finished watching "Cool Runnings." So I guess it was a pretty satisfying ending to a productive day.

And some advice to you, my readers. Don't come into Bed Bath & Beyond at 9:15pm. I will kill you if I'm working. I need my sleep, though. I'm back there in less than 12 hours. Yuck.

Heart's Desire

Everlasting

Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending

Your glory goes beyond all fame

And the cry of my heart

Is to bring You praise

From the inside out

Lord, my soul cries out

[From the Inside Out.Hillsong United]